This week at coping skills class we learned about forgiveness and getting over resentments.
We used the definition of forgiveness as “giving up the HOPE that the past could have been any different than it was and moving on in grace from there”. Forgiveness needs to step in when we “wanted a yes but got a no” from life. (Dr. Fred Luskin)
When we have been wronged it’s easy to build up a wall of resentment and grudges toward a person or a situation. But there is so much research out there proving how bad that can be for our overall wellbeing. How can we actually get to the place of forgiveness? According to Dr. Fred Luskin here are 9 steps to help with forgiveness:
1. Explore exactly how you feel about what happened. What made the situation so wrong? Tell a trusted friend about your experience.
2. Do what you have to do in order to feel better. Go for long walks/drives, scream or cry about it -Whatever it takes.
3. Understand that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. You are simply advancing and changing your grievance story.
4. Get the right perspective. Recognize that your pain is coming from the hurt feelings, not from the actual event.
5. Start to practice a stress management technique (breathing, acceptance, willing hands) to soothe yourself whenever your painful thoughts try to come back and hurt you.
6. Give up expecting things from other people. Remind yourself that you can hope for things but you cannot control them.
7. Start looking for another way to get your positive goals met rather than through the experience that hurt you.
8. Remember, a life well lived is your best revenge.
9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.
It’s so important to develop a forgiving heart. It’s a process that takes time, patience and determination but try not to be too harsh on yourself. Your suffering is REAL, but try to see how your suffering has changed you into the person you are today. Accept that this is YOUR story and only YOU have the power to change it. Dig deep this week and search your heart. Where do you lack forgiveness?
See you Tuesday for another great class!
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