We all deal with anger in different ways. Anger can be good at times. It can help us identify problems or things that are hurting us, it can motivate us to create change, or help us defend ourselves, it can also help identify parts in our past that need forgiveness, or expose underlying and unidentified softer to express emotions. But anger can also be very destructive to others and to ourselves. Suppressing anger can be just as damaging so we need to learn to listen to our anger and identify the problems and things that are hurting us. Sometimes we might find that our anger is over what it triggers in us when our needs are not met.
When we get angry it feels threatening to our brains and we are right in the center of our emotional brain. That’s why it can feel so overwhelming! When this part of your brain identifies a threat, it reacts impulsively and automatically.
Anger is not a “bad” emotion, it is just one of our many emotions but it is definitely an uncomfortable one that can get out of control. The upside is that It can be a great motivator – specifically to fuel change. The key is to just feel what you are feeling. Maybe it’s time to challenge old stories we’ve told ourselves about this uncomfortable emotion. Anger has so much to tell us. And we have options on how to express our anger without punishing others in the process. This takes a bit of work but is worth the effort so that anger doesn’t destroy your relationships.
Oftentimes softer emotions live just below your anger such as: disappointment, fear, shame, embarrassment, helplessness, sadness, loneliness, impatience, disappointment, frustration, etc. Next time you get really angry ask yourself if it’s really anger you’re feeling or is it something else. Is the anger you’re feeling coming up from the past? If so maybe it’s time to process some of those old memories with someone you love and trust or come to counseling.
Live well!
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