We all make mistakes. Your life will be FULL of apologies because we are human and we mess up ALL THE TIME. But apologies are not the easiest thing to do. We talked about the 5 apology languages during class this week. This might be a helpful tool if you want more insight on what is important to you during an apology (you can find this test on the 5 love languages website). Maybe it’s a good idea to share your results with your partner so they know what is important to you during an apology.
Apologies can be hard because an apology focuses on the other party’s pain. Go into an apology with a soft heart. During your apology you need to have a sturdy self-worth platform to stand on, so you can look out on your bad behavior, and genuinely give a heartfelt apology. Keep it short, and truly listen to the other party. Allow them to have feelings, even if it’s anger toward you. You need to stand strong and allow for a reaction, but try not to fall into defensiveness. You can’t control their response, but it will make your apology completely worthless if you continue to hurt that person again immediately after your heartfelt apology.
During the other party’s response, if you are starting to feel defensive, a good response is: “It isn’t easy to hear what you are telling me but I want you to know what you are saying is very important to me and I am going to keep on thinking about what you have told me”.
Things to keep in mind when on the receiving end of criticism:
* Recognize defensiveness
* Breathe
* Listen ONLY to understand
* Ask questions
* Find something you can agree with
* Apologize for YOUR part
* “Thank you for sharing”
* Bring it up again at a later time
* Draw the line at insults
* Define differences
Apologies will always be difficult, but hopefully these tips can help you navigate through those rough waters a little easier.
See you next week! Live well!
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