Did you know your words only convey about 7% of what you are trying to say? The other 93% is communicated through facial expressions and the TONE of your voice. This is also why expressing difficult emotions by written word alone (such as Facebook, Instagram, text, etc) is very hard for another person to fully get your position. Humans need nonverbal communication to give meaning.
Did you know listening to someone nag or complain for 30 minutes or more can cause damage to the part of the brain that handles problem solving? This is why going on and on about a subject does nothing for conflict resolution.
Your tone is VERY important. Women have a tendency to raise the tone of their voice to a more shrill sound. This can unknowingly trigger a very strong threat signal to your spouse/child/friend/stranger and they will go into a defensive mode. Men unknowingly can get louder and more booming in volume and can also send a threat signal to the brain of the listener putting the listener into a defense mode rather than in conflict resolution.
You are in charge of YOUR own behaviors. No one can take that from you. “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them” Ralph Nichols.
So the next time you are talking about something difficult and you desire resolution watch your tone, facial expressions, and pacing. That’s the 93% the listening brain is watching as well. Mind your inner talk because it shows up on your face and in your tone regardless of your words. You always have more power than you think you do, learn to tame it to work for you and not against you.
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