I remember the first time I heard this phrase and it seemed so strange. How radical can acceptance really be?
What does it even mean? How can I apply that to my life?
The phrase radical acceptance in therapy is most recognizably coined by Marsha Linehan who is the developer of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy).
What she meant by this phrase is completely and totally accepting reality from the depths of your mind, body, and soul. Basically “stop fighting with reality and you will actually suffer less”. Sounds so simple right?
The brain wants to reject reality every time it feels uncomfortable, threatened or challenged. Statements like these come up whenever acceptance is discussed: “What if I don’t want this in my life? How is accepting it going to help me?” “How is the situation ever going to change if I just accept it?” “This SHOULD NOT have happened I will NEVER accept it”.
All of these thoughts are real and totally understandable but here is the truth. Not accepting reality will not change reality. In fact, resisting and not accepting reality delays healing and prolongs your suffering. : (
I have the Serenity Prayer framed in my office and use it often throughout my day: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Acceptance guides you towards serenity. Becoming aware every time you reject reality is your first step.
Things happen in life all the time that “shouldn’t” happen and require acceptance even if we disapprove. Until we radically accept reality we can never be open to new adaptable alternatives. Acceptance of how things are is such a large part of healing.
Today, if you are struggling with a situation or emotion that brings you great anxiety or another overwhelming emotion, I want you to ask yourself if you are trying to change something that you can not change (reality). Follow up tomorrow and we will go over ways to practice radical acceptance.