Boundaries are difficult for different reasons.
“We teach people how to treat us”
A boundary is the establishment of what is ok and what is not. It is where I end and you begin.
Fear is often the reason people lack personal boundaries- the fear that we won’t be loved or that our authentic self is not good enough. When fear guides us to avoid setting boundaries, we tend to say “yes” when we should say “no”. This allows resentment to fester in our relationships. If you’re sensing resentment, it might be time to set some boundaries.
Two simple questions you can ask yourself:
1. Can I freely give this (my time, my encouragement, my money, etc) without resentment?
2. Is this something they should and could be doing for themselves?
Weak boundaries have a tendency to chip away at our self-respect and the respect others have for us. In order to set healthy boundaries, we must have the strength to let go of the outcome in a given situation. We can work at letting go of what is not ours.
To get started setting boundaries, try saying “I can’t” when you are wanting to say “no”. Remember it is progression, not perfection.
Boundaries are set calmly, clearly and respectfully. When you set a boundary, allow space for the other person to have a reaction without penalty. Just remember, it’s all part of the process.
Boundaries hold our values and allow our true self to emerge. It is an exciting journey, but it is a process. Offer yourself grace and compassion, but don’t give up on setting healthy boundaries in your relationships. It will be what makes your relationships healthy and sustainable through time.
Trust me, as a recovering people-pleaser, boundaries will give you space to live your life.
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