Sometimes people ask me, is it really that important to feel everything? Even the feelings that make me anxious and depressed? Although I totally get the question and honestly have asked myself the same question several times I would have to say yes, it’s important to feel all your emotions even the ones you’re scared to feel. Sometimes that answer scares people.
One of my favorite theorists, Dr. Sue Johnson, says this, “People who cope WELL with their emotions get real specific about what they are feeling.” Unless we know exactly what we are feeling and can name it, we will never really be able to cope with our full range of emotions. Unless I understand what I’m feeling, I have zero idea how to deal with it. Avoidance actually grows the emotion and keeps others from offering any sort of support that might help. And also keeps us from growing in our courageousness in learning to cope! This has a large impact on self-esteem.
The other day I was having a strong anger reaction. I noticed my heart and thoughts racing, my mouth running, and my face getting red. I pulled away from the situation for long enough to calm my heart rate and said to myself, “is this really anger or something else?” And I stayed with that question long enough to identify it wasn’t anger! It was the scarier emotion- FEAR!
Once I saw it was fear I found words for my fear and I was able to express a much softer emotion and a truer emotion to how I actually felt. While my anger had pushed that individual into defensiveness, fear allowed for conversation and connection. I learned that fear really existed in both of us but anger had been easier to access.
Learning to name your emotions helps you learn to tame them and regulate your emotional world. When we can’t emotionally regulate we ask the world to regulate for us and we settle into a place of broken connections. Taking complete responsibility of our emotional life brings such freedom and develops new feelings of courage and insight!
If you need help in learning to identify and name your unpleasant feelings reach out and contact me at Mind Helm. I’m here to help you in the journey of being a human! ❤️
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